It was dark and drizzling as I stared through the window… Loneliness was the only way to communicate with reality…My husband was in no position to even mumble the slightest sense... The Fat grey cat (I named it Fatty), that came around only when the it heard the loud, husky screech of the garbage truck, was a much better listener. I need excitement, I thought to myself...It had been almost eternity…I wished for an angel.
Next day routine, I made some coffee and walked to work…wondering how long God was waiting to work out a miracle, on an accident perhaps…Then the strangest thing happened. There she was, against a pillar, seated with her legs folded and her head buried between them. She seemed in her early twenties, short hair; her attire was either dark brown or had consumed quite a thick layer of dirt. She had a fanny pack hanging around her waist. She seemed helpless and I was moved.
I stretched out my hand to touch her. She responded almost immediately with fear. She stared at me so sharply I could feel it cut through my skin, but I could only stare back, to what I thought were the most amazing eyes I had ever seen in a homeless. She was astonishingly beautiful with a nice complexion that matched her eyes. She seemed pale.
“Have you eaten lately?” I asked, as I reached for my purse…She stared at me for what seemed like a second then looked away.
“Piss off” she said with an arrogant tone, as she reached into her folded legs…
I didn’t want to be the source of any trouble, so I gently placed some money next to her and gave her a warm smile. She reciprocated, only this time it didn’t seem like the good deed smiles I usually get…no, this one was different. It seemed suggestive. I walked away before she could utter a word.
“Wait!” She shouted, it sounded desperate.
I gave her 500 shillings what more does she want? I wondered. I didn’t want to look back. I increased my pace…the strides behind seemed shorter and quicker, therefore afraid of being blitz attacked, I quickly turned. She held me with a tight grip. I raged with panic. I wanted her to let me go but I couldn’t scream for help. Not because I couldn’t, needless to say I was slightly attracted to her.
“Love me” she said with almost a whispering voice and glared at me as if she was expecting a rationalized calculated response. I was in utmost shock. Did she want me to love her like a parent or what? She then gently squeezed my right breast and it suddenly became clear. She did not want to be breastfed.
I struggled my way out her tight grip…in the process I accidentally ruined her bead-made bracelet. She finally let go and went back to her pillar crying, as if I had killed a slight part of her. She was fidgeting. I couldn’t help staring at what she would do next. Another woman walked past her and she fell victim of her desperation. She repeated the same scene on her and unfortunately, there was no loving back. I needed a slight rest from that traumatic event. I called the office and notified them that I would be arriving late for work, went to the nearest coffee shop and let out a sigh of relief.
Moments later, sounds of sirens escalated as I walked further towards work… big cars drove swiftly past me towards the opposite side, towards where I met the beautiful homeless. Curiosity wasn’t going to win this time, I was much later than I expected for work.
That evening when I arrived at my tired life back in the house, to my not so appealing husband, I heard the news which reported a suicide that occurred from was a walking distance from where I lived…near the city. No wonder the sirens that put everyone on that street in a panic mood. I thought. A photo of the homeless girl showed up on the screen that identified the dead body which was obliterated since she jumped in front of a high-speed train. I gasped. It is entirely my fault. I was responsible. Tears oozed down from either side of my skin.
I stopped what I was doing in the kitchen and slowly went through the living room and up the stairs…I threw myself on the bed, and closed my eyes. I could hear my husband yelling. I knew what it meant. There was not enough strength to react…He would starve that night. I wondered what would be different if I responded to her demands. She let herself go due to the humiliation she faced. Taking her own life was the only way out. She may have been the angel in disguise was looking for. I was disgusted in myself. Waves of pity continuously swift past me as I probably had lost the only second chance I had, if I agreed, in happiness.
